He woke up suddenly, covered in sweat. He sat up and checked the time on his bedstead table clock. The red numerals said three AM. Not surprised at the time he lay back on the pillow and tried to get to sleep again. It was this way every night since she had gone. He would do everything he could think of to try and exhaust himself with work during the day, hoping it would lead to a sound sleep without the awful dreams he had every night. His efforts had been in vain so far. Try as he might he tossed back and forth in his bed unable to get back to sleep. The guilt he felt over losing her in a stupid horseback riding accident haunted his dreams. If he had just stopped her from using that outdated riding helmet she still might be here he thought. There had been times since the accident that he did not feel like going on. He had flirted with ending the pain but for some unknown reason to himself he carried on.
It did not help that her cat insisted on climbing up on the bed and sleeping next to his feet as it had done when she was here. It only served to remind him of the pain of her passing and how much he missed her presence. He finally gave up and crawled out of bed still weary and lacking the deep, dream free sleep he craved. Her cat got up when he did, stretching and then leaping off the bed looking for the food it knew he would soon be putting out for it. He should be grateful he thought since it was the only companion he could tolerate since he chose to shut himself off from the rest of the world. It was utterly nonjudgmental and returned love without question. Better than humans he mused. He stumbled his way into the kitchen, grabbed a can of cat food, and popped the top off the can, dumping its contents into the cat’s food dish and setting it down on the floor. Then he made himself a large mug of instant coffee hoping the infusion of caffeine would boost his sagging energy level. He leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping the strong, black coffee, waiting for the daily call from his brother that he knew would come shortly.
Sure enough, his cell phone next to him on the kitchen counter began ringing. He let it ring a full eight times before picking it up and accepting the call, intentionally just listening and not speaking. Then, he heard his brother say “hello, bro, how are you doing today? I know you are there”.
“What do you want?”
“Just calling to see how you are doing, that’s all”.
“I’m fine”.
“Don’t be rude Tom. I’m your brother and I care about you. Are you planning on leaving the house today? I know you have been cooped up there for several days now and it might do you some good to get out.”
“I just said I’m fine Steve.”
“Maybe”, his brother replied. “How about a fishing trip to our favorite spot this weekend?” he persisted.
Memories of previous happy times fly fishing flashed through his mind at his brother’s invitation. He remembered the time when he had introduced her to the art of fly fishing and she snagged a huge bass her very first time out, giving him a smug smile of satisfaction on besting him in fish catching that first day. He remembered how he had taught her how to crush the barbs on the fish hooks so as to minimize any damage to the fish when removing the hook and how good it felt to release a fish back on its happy way after catching it. Their giving a second chance to a fish somehow balanced out an otherwise harsh reality of predator versus prey. “Maybe I do need to get out of the house” he ruefully thought as he watched the cat chowing down on its food for the seventh day in a row.
“Ok, let’s do it” he suddenly said. He sensed his brother’s surprise at his abrupt change of mind.
“I’ll pick you up very early Saturday.”
After hanging up his brother turned to his wife, Pat, who had been listening and said “He’s getting there but he has quite a way to go. At least he agreed to get out of that house.”
“What do you have in mind? She asked.
“You know that girl over at the Shriners hospital that I have been trying to help?”
“Is it that poor thirteen year old child who got those horrible burns to her face and arms in a house fire?”
“Yes, Pat, she has been close to giving up for some time. Even with surgery she will never fully recover from them and will always suffer from disfigurement. She harbors the anger of those unfairly treated by life and knows she will never be beautiful to the boys. My brother is filled with that same anger at life. You know, I think there is a chance they might be able to help each other. Both of them have lost dearly in life’s lottery and are souls drifting on the wind. I think I see a way forward for them and I’m going to take a chance on a hunch.”
“You mean you’re going to surprise him by bringing her along?”
“Yes, he wouldn’t show up if I told him so this needs to be a surprise and I think I can coax her out. I’m betting on a guy who goes to the bother of crushing the barbs on fish hooks.”
Steve showed up early the next morning at the hospital for his regular visit with Cathy. He took the elevator up to the hospital’s burn ward and entered Cathy’s room after first checking in with the ward’s head nurse. Each time he came to her he had to steel himself to look at her awful burn scars. She had been very lucky to escape the fire alive but he often found himself wondering about the future these burns had sentenced her to.
“Good morning Cathy. And how is my favorite girl today?”
“It hurts a lot today Steve. The doctor was working on my burns
esterday. I wish it would stop hurting”.“I wish I could help with that” he said.
She rolled her head over to the side of her pillow facing away from him and said “I will never be beautiful will I?”
Barely suppressing a tear he replied “I am not exactly sure anymore what others think beauty is Cathy but I think you are”.
“You know what I mean Steve. Why did you come today?”
“I came to ask for your help with my brother.”
“You need my help? How can someone like me help anyone?”
“Well, you see he lost someone he loved very much and I thought someone as smart as you might be able to keep him from harming himself over his loss.”
She was quiet for a long time. She then turned to him and said “How can I help?”
“Tomorrow we go fishing” he replied with a smile on his face.
“Fishing? I don’t know how to fish.”
“You will learn. See you tomorrow morning.”
It was still dark the next morning when his brother climbed into the back seat of his brother’s SUV and was startled to see another sitting there.
“Hello” he said as he slid into the seat next to her.
“Tom, this is Cathy. I hope you don’t mind me bringing her along today. She wants to learn how to fish and I told her you might be able to teach her”
“Ok” was all he said in reply.
It was only after they had arrived at the stream and the sun had begun casting its first light that Tom was able to see her disfigurement. He said nothing as she cast her eyes downward and stared straight ahead when she noticed his gaze.
“Let’s get going while the fish are biting” his brother said as everyone piled out and retrieved their fishing gear from the back of the car.
Tom and Cathy paired off while Steve and his wife Pat went further downstream. As the morning wore on Steve could hear laughter wafting up from where Tom and Cathy were fishing. He could see Tom standing behind Cathy helping her learn how to cast a fly into the stream. This was the first time he had heard Tom laughing in a very long time and never from Cathy.
You know Pat, hearing that laughter from those two restores my faith in the power of healing. It really is true that those who have suffered the most have the greatest capacity to heal. I think our job is done and those two are going to be all right.
Copyright 2017
Charles R. Wright Jr.
All Rights Reserved
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